Friday, August 06, 2010


(Am I doing this right? o_o)

From Planet Ultimatau to The Federation of Earth

To All Earthlings This May Concern

Greetings and salutations! My name is Alloran-nee-Coras-Ray, and I write to you on behalf of Queer Quasar Studios, Planet Ultimatau. It is our deepest pleasure to inform you that your planet is one of the lucky few selected to participate in this year's episode of 'Uncanny Universes', the ultimate intergalactic reality show!

Selection is carried out by our very own Relativity Comission, and by means of a hyperspace ballot. Only ten lucky races are selected each year, so the opportunity is one which comes once in a lifetime (literally. The boys down the hall in Probability Indexes did some number-crunching with their Space Time Calculators)! We trust you will be all agog at this good news, and ready to participate!

The Rules and Regulations are as follows (they're simpler than they sound). Each planet will be put through a series of tests which include asteroid showers, total gravitational collapse, and an influx of flesh-eating parasites from outer space. If you're lucky enough to draw one of our Hyperspace Random Event cards, you may have the chance to have a mano-e-mano encounter with our undefeated champion, the Ultimataum who has the destruction of no less than seven galaxies (and one minor solar system) to his credit - The Chomper.

Two lucky planets will make it to the finale - I won't spoil it for you, but it's called 'Total Annihilation: Invade or Die!'

Of course, failure to participate amounts to immediate surrender of all real-estate currently in your possession (in other words, your planet is ours, chuckleheads), and we will foreclose immediately.

It's not as bad as it sounds. You get a five-day eviction notice!

And that's all for now, folks! Just zap us back a reply by the nearest vacuum-post, and we'll open you up a wormhole to our Studio right away!

We look forward to a long and fruitful partnership!

Yours, in anticipation

Supreme Mugwump,
Queer Quasar Studios
100 Terabyte Drive
Planet Ultimatau

P.S: The first three contestants to confirm their participation get a 10% discount on our universally-acclaimed line of Galaxy Gourmet Cookies! Act now!


Moo Kay said...


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